By Monica Ruechel
As we all know, DUI charges are NO laughing matter--however, occasionally the news reports a very funny DUI story. I know we all get tired of hearing about the depressing DUI accident stories, so I decided to look around for some of the more entertaining stories (where no one gets hurt, of course!) I decided to look up some funny DUI stories for my own entertainment, and compiled a list of my favorites to share with you. Here are the TOP 10 funniest DUI stories, as told by 1 ACT Driving Schools.
#10: Combine-ation of unfortunate events
Have you ever seen those GIANT machines farmers use to harvest their crops? They're called combines, and look like the machine in the picture to the right. A man in Pennsylvania decided to drive a combine while intoxicated, hit a mailbox, and got arrested by police after he passed out in a bean field. He faced charges of driving under the influence and hit and run.
#9: Landscaping the road while drunk
For some reason, men seem to enjoy riding large farming/lawn equipment while under the influence. A Minnesota man received his NINTH driving while intoxicated (DWI) charge while driving his lawnmower with a blood alcohol concentration of 0.28. He already lost his license to one of his DWI charges, so he figured he would be fine using his lawnmower as his primary mode of transportation. He faced charges of DWI and driving without a license. Fair warning: if you don't have a driver's license, you should probably avoid driving ANYTHING.
#8: Scooting down the interstate
Again with men driving things that are not cars while drunk! Police pulled a man over in Indiana on Indiana's state road 135 for a few reasons: 1.) driving on the wrong side of the road (heading north in the south bound lanes) and 2.) driving a motorized scooter. You read that right-this man stole one of those motorized scooters you find at Walmart and drove it while drunk on the wrong side of the road! Police didn't question it until they noticed the "in-store use only" sign on the back of the scooter. They pulled the man over and arrested him for driving under the influence and theft. Don't worry--police returned the scooter to Walmart after the arrest.
#7: La-Z-iest DUI
Talk about lazy--a Minnesota man received a DUI for driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair to and from a local bar. First of all, let's take a second to appreciate the fact that he has a motorized La-Z-Boy. I mean, the thing is CRAZY--it has a lawnmower engine (again with the lawnmowers!) a cup holder, a radio, a headlight, an actual La-Z-Boy chair, and naturally, a National Hot Rod Association sticker. Second of all, the man got a DUI for driving the chair! Police pulled the man over after he drunkenly crashed his chair-car into an actual car. They promptly escorted him to jail and charged him with driving under the influence.
#6: "Bring Your Barstool to Drink" Day
Typically when you go to a bar, you go to the bar, sit on the barstools in the bar, then make your way back home. A man in Ohio inserted a barstool into all THREE of those steps as opposed to just the second step. He drove his motorized barstool to the bar, used it there, and drove the barstool home from the bar. The vehicle had a lawnmower engine and steering wheel, four wheels, and of course, a barstool welded to a metal frame. While attempting a U-turn on the way home from the bar, he crashed the stool, drawing police attention. Needless to say, police arrested the man and charged him with DUI. Even though the man admitted to driving after drinking 15 beers, he plead not guilty and is headed to trial. Let's hope he leaves the barstool at home that day!
#5: DOI: Driving ON the influence of alcohol
Apparently, Australia has these motorized coolers called "eskies." They take a typical drink cooler and add a set of handlebars, wheels, and a motor, creating a convenience mode of drink transportation. Of course, genius inventions don't always work as planned. A man in Perth, Australia, decided to drive his esky at night. This drew police attention, as the coolers don't have proper lighting and are unsafe to drive at night. On top of that, he was driving in a bike-lane, the place you should NEVER drive a motorized vehicle. When police pulled him over, they found that the cooler was filled with beer, wine, and bourbon drinks, leading to him receiving a DUI charge. We all know you can drive UNDER the influence, but who knew you could drive ON TOP of the influence?
#4: Drunk Lives Matter
Before you accuse me of trivializing social movements, the only reason I use this phrase is because of the story. A man in Pennsylvania got a DUI charge while wearing a shirt that said "Drunk Lives Matter." Police pulled him over for multiple traffic violations, suspected that he was under the influence, and transported him to the hospital and arrested him for driving under the influence. His blood alcohol concentration was 0.217! It's quite ironic that he chose to wear that shirt on the day he chose to put his own drunk life in danger.
#3: The breathalyzer gets breathalyzed
Halloween: the only holiday that notoriously involves costumes and alcohol. One Halloween, a teenager was pulled over for driving erratically. Police immediately knew the teen was drunk, and took him into custody. Upon searching the vehicle, they found open containers of alcohol in the truck as well. Of course, they made sure to include in the report not only that the teen blew more than twice the 0.08 legal limit on the breathalyzer, but that he was also dressed as a breathalyzer. Yes, this young man dressed up as a breathalyzer for Halloween and received a charge of driving under the influence. I wonder if he dressed up as an ignition interlock the day he got the device installed in his car!
#2: Come on Barbie, let's go party!
A man in Essex, England was pulled over for driving one of those motorize pink Barbie cars designed for 3-5 year olds while drunk. He and his son put bigger wheels on the car, so of course he had to take it for a spin! Unfortunately, his blood contained more than twice the legal limit of alcohol, and he was arrested for driving under the influence. He later admitted to being a "complete twit" for cramming his adult body into a child's car and driving it. He lost his driver's license for 3 years (the one for driving actual cars and the one for driving toy cars) and was sentenced to 12 months of probation. I guess he took Barbie's inviting "Barbie Girl" song quite literally and decided to take her car out for a party!
Source: The Telegraph
#1: A man, a pug, and a horse went to a wedding...
That sounds like the start of a really bad joke. Unfortunately for you, it's not a joke! A Colorado man was headed to a family wedding in Utah. While passing through Boulder, Colorado, the man arrested for riding his horse while drunk. Witnesses told police they saw the man hit the horse (he claimed he was swatting flies away). When police went to investigate, they found the man slumped on the horse's back. He dismounted and failed his field sobriety tests. Police checked the saddle bags to find beer bottles, and checked the man's backpack to find a pug! The man was arrested and taken into custody, but was able to make it to the wedding with his horse and dog in tow.
So there it is--the 1 ACT Driving Schools list of the top 10 funny DUI stories for your personal entertainment. Of course, you should remember that DUIs typically are not funny and we should encourage our loved ones to avoid driving under the influence of alcohol, as that can result in serious consequences.
If you or a loved one has received a DUI, please click here for information on attending your DUI class with the DUI school that's here to keep you entertained! If you have not received a DUI charge, please make sure to avoid driving under the influence at all costs. Call a cab, request an Uber, find a designated driver, do anything other than driving while intoxicated. Also, remember to avoid riding horses or driving any random object with a motor, because police will pull you over and you could end up on someone else's list of the top 10 funniest DUI stories!